


Klaus, Learning

by siriuspiggyback



Series: Closer I Am To Fine [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, Coming Out, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Misgendering, No Incest, Non-Binary Klaus Hargreeves, Sibling Bonding, They/Them Pronouns for Klaus Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23792959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: Klaus has always had a tendency to leave things left unsaid. This is maybe not a good thing.Or, Klaus is 30 years old, and they are only now learning to be a sibling.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves
Series: Closer I Am To Fine [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681714
Comments: 36
Kudos: 563





	Klaus, Learning

**Author's Note:**

> tw: there is misgendering by the family in here, though none done maliciously. previous fics in this series have been using he/him pronouns, but once the siblings know their pronouns, they will start using they/them pronouns in their POV stories. please be careful if this could be triggering for you, stay safe<3
> 
> big, big thanks to hujwernoo for betaing this one for me

Klaus has never been one to keep secrets.

Secrets, in their opinion, are for people who have things to hide, and Klaus never did, because no one really cared to find out any of it. Klaus doesn't have secrets; there are, however, many things that they have left unsaid. For someone who talks a lot (too much), they sure do leave a lot of things unsaid. But they're a coward. It isn't a secret that they prefer to avoid the hard things in life, and talking about those things is to be avoided at all cost. So that's what they do, and it works for the most part. It works.

So why does it feel like they are drowning in unsaid words?

-

Last night, in their dream, a memory. Dave, shaking, flushed, eyes wide and terrified and earnest and in the dream, Klaus knows exactly what to say.

They wake with tears on their face.

-

At breakfast, Allison says that she wants to do a girls night: Klaus included. If their siblings find it weird that Klaus is included, they don't mention it. It's a lot of fun. Vanya does their make up, and she's terrible at it, which just makes it better. Mom ends up with sparkly eyelids, courtesy of Klaus, and she promises she loves it, and then they even convince her to swap her Reginald Approved dress for something casual from Allison's wardrobe, which doesn’t quite fit right and yet is perfect on her.

When they toast with mocktails in hand and faces covered in mud (not the jungle kind, the kind that comes in a tiny tub for an obscene price), Allison says, "To girls night. Well- girls and our brother."

Klaus smiles, and tells themself that the reason they don't bother correcting her is because Klaus doesn't mind being called brother.

They swallow the words down like they used to swallow pills, dry and heavy in their stomach.

-

In the dream, they are sitting alone under the sky, but the stars are blotted out with napalm smoke. Dave is wet eyed and shivering despite the heat, like he's coming down, except he barely even drinks, and doesn't smoke anything harder than weed. He looks feverish. They haven't even had a bad day, just a lot of marching, no one getting injured more than a mosquito bite, so Klaus can't understand it. All they have been doing is kissing.

Dave has pulled back far enough to look at them properly, face set all serious, heavy with intent, and it makes electricity zap up Klaus’ spine. Their lungs spasm in their chest.

“Klaus,” he says, and he says it like a prayer, like something holy: _Klaus._

“Dave,” Klaus says, mock serious, despite the way the air felt warm and strange and buzzing.

A smile strikes up upon Dave’s mouth, wiggling with something unsaid, heating rising in his cheeks. He takes a shaking breath. “Klaus, I-” He stops, swallows, throat bobbing. “I love you.” The words are forced out, rushed and blurred together, and they’re the most beautiful words Klaus has ever heard.

-

Klaus is the one that picks up the phone.

They just happen to be passing by when it begins ringing, and answering is a reflex, despite the odds that anyone would be calling for Klaus being… infinitesimal. 

After, Klaus can’t quite recall the exact wording of the conversation. Instead, all they know is a bone-deep sense of panic. Who’s home? Allison and Luther - and Ben, of course, but Ben can’t drive either. Vanya should be at practice. Five? Who knows.

Racing down the stairs (don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip), Klaus yells, “Guys, everyone, family meeting! Emergency!”

“What’s happening?” Luther asks, whilst Allison runs into the room.

Ben appears, frowning, and looks at them. “Five’s out, it’s just us.”

“Shit, okay, Allison, you drive. We need to go!” Klaus is already on their way to the door as they speak.

Mom peeks into the foyer. “Is something happening?” she asks, concerned.

“If anyone else comes home, can you tell them we’re at the hospital?” Klaus asks, hurried, half shoving their siblings out the door.

“Is everything okay?” Mom asks, and the tinge of panic in her voice is undoubtedly human.

“I don’t know,” says Klaus. “We need to go. It’s- It’s Diego.”

-

In the dream, Dave tells them that he loves them, and Klaus smiles softly, like they already knew. They reach up a hand to cup their lover’s face - just like Dave had, in the backrooms of some disco in Saigon, all those months ago. 

In the dream, Klaus catches his eyes before speaking. They say, deliberate and slow, “I love you too, Dave.”

In the dream, Klaus kisses him, soft and deep, and feels their heart go peaceful and content in the knowledge that Dave knows, now, that Klaus feels the same.

But that was just a dream.

-

Klaus hadn’t really considered that going to the hospital would include, y’know, _going to the hospital._

Before they even get to the front desk, the level of noise has already swollen from distant muttering to a fuzz of shrieks and moans, and the reception is full of people who may not actually be there at all.

Klaus freezes at the doorway.

“Klaus,” Luther asks, looking at them properly, like he often is these days. “What is it?”

“I- it’s just a little loud in here,” Klaus says cheerfully, smile stiff.

“It’s silent,” rebuffs Allison.

Luther holds a hand up to her, a wordless request. “Klaus, what do you mean?”

Their heart is beating rabbit fast, and they would probably hear it, if it weren’t for the ghosts drowning it out. They can’t think how to brush it off, even though they desperately don’t want to talk about it, so they just repeat, pitifully, “It’s loud.” 

Realisation crashes over Luther’s face. “The ghosts. Alright, just follow us, okay? We’ll ask the receptionist.”

Klaus nods gratefully, and allows themself to guiltily press their hands over their ears in a feeble attempt to block out the onslaught. As it is, they can’t hear what Allison says to the receptionist, or what the reply is. For all Klaus knows, they’re informing her that Diego didn’t make it, that he's lying dead in the morgue already, body cooling. Maybe he died on the operating table, or before he even got to the hospital. Klaus feels like their chest is being squeezed tight, panic rushing past, leaving them breathless. 

They can’t remember what their last words to Diego were.

Allison snakes out a hand to lead them forward, and gives Klaus a reassuring smile that they can’t return.

-

In the dream, Klaus tells Dave that they love him too.

That’s not what really happened.

The real story is this:

Dave, nervous to the point of trembling, tells Klaus, “I love you.”

And Klaus smiles sardonically, eyes burning with too many emotions to name, and says, “It’ll pass.”

-

When they enter the hospital room, Diego is already sat up, expression bored and irritated. He’s not even in a hospital gown. The first words out of his mouth are, “You didn’t all have to come.”

“What happened?” Allison asks, slipping into Mom Mode seamlessly. 

Diego holds up his wrist, which is in a cast, with a wry smile. “Broke my wrist. Some dumb asshole rear-ended me, and I whacked it on the steering wheel.”

“Klaus?” Ben asks quietly.

Luther whistles low. “How is the car?”

Expression dark, Diego says, “The back is crumpled to shit. Bastard better have insurance.”

“But you’re okay? Just the wrist?” questions Allison.

“Yeah, I’m- Klaus?”

Oh, Klaus thinks distantly. With one hand, they tentatively reach up to brush away the tears that had spilled without them noticing. “I’m okay.”

“You’re crying,” Luther says, because he’s not the most tactful guy.

“Yeah,” replies Klaus, a laugh bubbling up in their chest. They cover their face with their hands, but it doesn’t hide the way their shoulders hitch.

Diego clears his throat. “You guys mind giving us a minute?”

Allison and Luther murmur their assent, quick to escape the suddenly emotional situation. After a moment of hesitation, Ben follows them out, leaving the two of them alone as they can get in a hospital room.

“Bro, come here,” Diego says, shuffling toward the edge of the hospital bed. Klaus hesitates for a moment, because they would really rather not, but with their other siblings right outside the door, there is nowhere to go. They relent, and slump down next to Diego, leaning into his steady warmth. Their throat is closing over as they push down their tears. “Klaus, what’s going on?”

Klaus opens their mouth, and for a moment isn’t sure whether they can say it, any of it, but all the unsaid things have been building up for so long that the weight is crushing them. Voice choking, Klaus says, “I thought you were going to die.”

“I’m-” Diego begins, but now that Klaus is speaking, they can’t stop, like a damn breaking, the water rushing through.

“I thought you were going to die, and I couldn’t even remember what my last words to you were, or whether they were nice, and I haven’t even told you that I love you, and I didn’t want you to die before- I didn’t want it to be like that, I-”

“Klaus,” Diego says helplessly, pulling them into a tight embrace, but words are still spilling out.

“I didn’t even say- I didn’t say I love you, and he died, he died and I never told him, I never told him that I-” Klaus sobs brokenly.

Diego just squeezes them closer. “I got you, bro.”

Klaus sucks in a gasping breath. “I don’t know why I never say anything, I say so much _shit,_ but I never say anything that matters, I don’t know why.”

“Like what?” Diego says evenly, running a hand up through their dark curls.

“Like- Like I don’t even like being called a brother, because I’m not- I’m not- but I never say anything about it,” Klaus says. “I just- I have all this shit, up in my head, and I never say it.”

“You’re telling me right now,” Diego points out patiently.

“Oh,” says Klaus, because yes, they are.

“Yes, oh,” says Diego. “And I- I would really like it if you kept doing that.”

Klaus pulls back enough to look at his face. “Really?”

“Really,” he confirms. “You’re my family, and I love you.”

“You love me?” Klaus questions in the smallest voice.

Diego gives them a look like it’s the stupidest question in the world. “Of course I do, you idiot.”

They sink back into their brother's embrace, tears slowing, their breaths slower, deeper, and murmur into Diego’s shoulder, “I love you too.”


End file.
